When my child dies from the war

In a situation where the news of war and conflict is heard in Iran, one of the main concerns of parents is the psychological protection of children. Children, even if they are not directly involved in the war, are influenced by television, social media or the conversations of adults. In this article, we comprehensively examine how to talk to children about war and how to give them a sense of security and a proper understanding of the situation. Do we need to talk to children about war? Many parents think that it is better for children not to know anything about war. But child psychologists believe that concealment increases the child's anxiety. Children of all ages look for meaning and reassurance when faced with sudden changes or stress from others. If we don't talk to them, they are likely to receive false or frightening information from unreliable sources. **How do children react to war?** Children's reaction to war depends on their age, level of psychological development and individual experiences. At any age, it is important for the family, teachers and caregivers to take advantage of professional counseling and provide a safe and supportive environment for the child in case of any symptoms of anxiety or psychological problems. Below are the typical reactions of children at different ages: **Little children (zero to 5 years old):** - **Less attention to the concept of war:** Children at this age may not understand the concept of war, but they are sensitive to the emotions and stress of their family and surrounding environment. - **Physical reactions:** Anxiety, restlessness, insomnia or changes in eating and sleeping habits. - **Communication with emotions:** They may show fear, anxiety, confusion or insecurity; It may even appear in physical reactions such as crying a lot, bedwetting or other habits. **Children in school age (6 to 12 years old):** - **Understanding the concept of war:** Children at this age may understand the concept of war and feel fear, worry and distrust towards the future. - **Psychological reactions:** Anxiety, depression, social anxiety, inability to concentrate, reduced confidence in the safety of family and society. - **Asking questions:** They may ask many questions about the war and the future and need appropriate and soothing explanations. - **Behavior:** Negative thoughts, anger or aggression, regression in everyday skills, less interest in play and school activities. **Teenagers (13 years and older):** - **Fuller understanding:** Adolescents may understand war better and experience feelings of insecurity, fear, anger and sadness. - **Psychological reactions:** severe anxiety, depression, feeling of worthlessness, desire for isolation or conversation, worry about the future and family. - **Behavior:** They want to talk about the war and its consequences, they may be less involved in social, academic or artistic activities, or on the contrary, they are on the path of activism and struggle. For more information about the MBTI personality test and to find out your personality type, you can refer to the linked article. **How to talk to your child about war in simple language?** When we want to talk to our child about war, we should use simple language and scientific and logical methods so that he can better understand the concept and feel safe. Using scientific methods, such as explaining with comprehensible examples, gradual explanation and giving the child the opportunity to ask questions, helps us to convey correct and comprehensible information and reduce his anxiety or worry. This approach not only helps the child to understand more complex concepts, but also encourages him to have a correct understanding of hard realities and to be able to express his feelings better. Therefore, using scientific methods in difficult conversations plays an important role in psychological support and building the child's confidence. ### **Listen calmly** Before you start explaining, ask the child what he heard or saw. This will help you know where to start. Talking to the child can make you aware of the child's fear and anxiety and also allows the child to express his feelings. ### **Tell the truth, but appropriate to the child's age** You don't have to go into every violent detail. For example, for children you can say: Some countries or groups have differences and unfortunately this has made some places unsafe. But we are trying to be careful. You can share the details of the war and war events with the child according to his age. ### **emphasis on child safety** Reassure the child that he is now in a safe place and that you, the family, and the authorities are working to ensure safety. ### **Control the news** Watching too much news can increase children's anxiety. It is recommended not to expose children to raw news and violent scenes. For this, you should reduce watching the news for yourself or transfer it to after your child's bedtime. Treating stress and anxiety with neurofeedback in children can be useful in improving the child's condition. ### **Let them express their feelings** If the child cries, gets scared or asks difficult questions, do not react negatively. Let him vent his feelings and be by his side. **5 words you should not say to your child during a war?** During the war, it is important that our behavior and attitude towards children is informed by scientific and research findings in order to avoid psychological and emotional injuries. Based on scientific articles and research, the points that we should avoid saying and doing are: 1. **Frightening and disappointing comments:** such as detailing violence and destruction, because this type of information can cause extreme anxiety, fear and worry in a child. 2. **Covering the facts or ignoring the child's feelings:** Avoid lying or hiding the facts, but we should not share the sad details with the child, because this may damage his trust and intensify his feeling of insecurity. 3. **Continuous repetition of negative images and news:** Continuous expression of negative and alarming news can lead to a decrease in the child's sense of security and permanent anxiety. 4. **Criticism or blame for the child's feelings:** We should not blame the child for being worried because of his fear or negative feelings, because this may deny his feelings and cause the development of anxiety. 5. **Creating a feeling of insecurity by talking about extreme dangers and threats:** We must be careful that our words do not endanger the sense of security in the child and do not have a fear-inducing state, but express in a calm and soothing manner. **How to help children cope with war anxiety?** - Creating a daily routine: Having a regular schedule of sleep, food, play and education creates a sense of control and stability in children. - **Creative activities:** Painting, writing, music and crafts can be a way to express feelings. - **Simple breathing exercises:** Teach the child how to calm down with a few deep breaths. **When should we get help from child counseling?** Seeking help from child and adolescent counseling in critical times such as war is one of the best ways to support and protect a child's mental health. Counselors specializing in child psychology have the necessary skills and approaches to help children express their feelings, reduce anxiety, and develop coping skills. These sessions can provide a safe, non-judgmental environment where the child can talk about their fears and concerns and have constructive, calming conversations with the counselor. In addition, counselors provide practical strategies and guidance for families to create a supportive and calm environment for children at home, helping them better cope with a difficult situation. The use of counseling during this critical period not only helps reduce the child's anxiety and stress, but also helps families find effective ways to provide emotional and psychological support to their children and reduce the risk of long-term psychological consequences. **If you observe the child for a long time:** - Has insomnia or nightmares - It will not be separated from you - Has digestive problems or loss of appetite - Does not want to play and interact It is best to talk to a child psychologist or school counselor. Early intervention is very effective. Dr. Hossein Bayat's psychology clinic also has extensive activities in the field of children and their mental health, and you, as parents who are concerned and committed to the health of your children, can get help from them. **Summary** During the war, talking with children requires sensitivity, calmness, and the use of scientific and age-appropriate methods. Using simple, honest and calm language helps the child feel safe and express his feelings better. It is important not to convey news and scary images, details of violence and extreme concerns to them, because it may cause anxiety, fear and insecurity in them. Instead, we should respect the child's feelings, provide calm and understandable explanations and prioritize his psychological support. In cases where the child's anxiety or stress is high, getting help from psychologists and experienced counselors, such as psychological clinics and modern treatment methods such as neurofeedback, can be very effective. Reputable clinics, including the Bayat Neurofeedback Clinic, using modern technologies and scientific approaches, can help reduce and treat children's stress and anxiety and behavioral problems in critical times and strengthen positive feelings and peace in them.