How to talk about war with children?

Mansoura Nikogovtar
June 27, 1404
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The content production team of John Ziba Psychology Clinicunder the supervision of

Introduction — Why should we talk to children about war?

With news of war everywhere—from television to social media—many parents don't know how to talk to their children about these events. Hiding the reality is not always a good solution, because even if we don't say anything, children will notice anxiety and tension from the looks, tones, or images around them. But talking correctly and knowingly about war can help children feel safer, express their fears, and become emotionally stronger.

The first thing is that parents should have a understanding of their own feelings. If the parent is very anxious or angry, the child will also get this feeling. Therefore, before any conversation, parents should give themselves a few moments, take a deep breath and make sure they are in a relaxed state.

Conversation about the war based on the child's age

As we said in the previous section, the child's age and level of understanding play a very important role in the type of response and the way the parents speak. In this section, we examine step by step how to talk about war, what to say and what to avoid at any age.

👶 3-6 year old child: safety before explanation

At this age, children still do not understand the concept of "war". They only feel the feeling of insecurity, fear or change in the parents' behavior. Therefore, the main goal at this age is to calm down and maintain a sense of security, not to give accurate information.

If a child hears on the news or from others that there is a war going on and asks:

"Mom, what does war mean?" You can say: "War means some people fighting with each other." They do it because they cannot solve their problems by talking. But we are safe and I am with you."

At this age, one should avoid describing violent scenes or television news shows. Even war pictures or short films can be very scary for a child's mind. Instead, it is better to help the child express his feelings by playing, painting and telling stories. For example, if the child hides his doll because he is "afraid the enemy will come", we can say:

"Would you like us to build a shelter for your doll so that she feels safe?" The reactions show that the child's feeling of fear is accepted and reduces his anxiety.

👧 7-10 year old child: simple, but honest answer

At this age, children have a more curious mind and may want to know why the war started or "who is right". It should not go into political or military details, but the concepts should be expressed on a human and moral level. For example Let's say:

"People sometimes disagree. Some countries try to solve the problem by talking and peace, but sometimes it unfortunately leads to war. Many people in the world are helping to bring back peace."

At this age, children may worry about their own and family's safety. Therefore, parents should be reassuring:

"There is no war in our country. There are many government and people who take care of us. We are safe."

Also, this age is a good time to develop a sense of empathy. The child can be encouraged to draw, write letters or participate in charity activities for children in war zones. These actions make him feel powerful and useful and reduce anxiety.

🧑 11-16-year-olds: real and analytical dialogue

Because of access to the Internet and social networks, teenagers usually have more information about the war — but this information is not always accurate. At this stage, parents should play the role of informed interlocutor and respectful listener, not teacher or Judge.

Instead of saying ``this is right or that is wrong,'' ask:

``How do you feel when you hear this news?''``Why do you think some countries are at war?''

The goal is to help the teenager to critically analyze information and express his/her feelings. Also, talk about credible news sources So that the teen learns not to trust everything he sees online.

If the teen shows anger or frustration, you should reassure him that his feelings are normal and then talk about constructive ways to express feelings: writing, drawing, sports, or volunteer activities can be healthy emotional outlets.

💬 Summary of this section:

Talking about war, at any age, can be an opportunity to teach peace and Hope.

Decreasing children's anxiety and fear after talking about war

Even when parents carefully and calmly talk about the war with the child, the child may still have anxiety, fear or nightmares. Children's minds easily absorb this worry, especially when adults are worried. In this section, we explain step by step how to restore the feeling of security and peace in children.

🧸 1. Creating a sense of security through physical contact and constant presence

More than anything else, the child feels security from the parent's presence, not from words. Even if you give good verbal explanations, but the child sees you tired, worried or bored, his anxiety increases. At this time, it is better:

How are you now? Is there something you want to talk about?" These simple questions make the child know that his feelings are important and he can talk freely.

🌿 5. The role of professional counseling and support

If you notice that your child is very anxious, sleeps or eats disturbed, or avoids talking about the subject, it is better to talk to a child and adolescent counselor. In such cases, referring to child and adolescent counseling will help parents learn how to provide effective support without increasing fear.

💬 Summary of this section:Reducing children's anxiety during wartime requires patience, empathy, and emotional connection. Not hiding, not lying, but a calm presence, conversation, and love that restores the feeling of real security.

The second point is understanding the age of the child. Talking to a 5-year-old child is very different from talking to a 15-year-old teenager. At a young age, children do not understand complex concepts such as politics or the history of war; Therefore, simple, short and understandable explanations should be given. For example, for a child who asks, "Why do people fight?" It can be said: "Sometimes people go to war when they cannot talk to each other and resolve their differences through dialogue. But many people in the world are trying to make peace."

On the other hand, teenagers may have deeper questions, such as, "Is it possible that war will come to our country?" or "Why do innocent people get hurt?" In this case, the answers should be realistic, but hopeful. For example:

"Now our country is not involved in a war, and many people in the world are working for peace and the end of violence. Our duty is to remain kind and support those who need it."

Talking about war is an opportunity to teach the skill of empathy and compassion. This situation can be used so that the child learns to understand the suffering of others, to respect people regardless of their race or religion, and to know that kindness has a much greater power than violence.

At the end of this section, we should note It is important to mention: Answering children's questions about war is not just to convey information, but to build a sense of security. When a child feels that his parents are willing to talk to him without fear, his mind will calm down and he will have less anxiety or nightmares.

How to talk to children about war?

Talking to children about war is one of the most challenging topics that many parents And coaches may face it. In today's world, where news of war and conflict is readily available, this may cause fear and anxiety for children. This article will help you learn the correct and effective ways to talk to children about war and prevent possible harm.

The importance of talking about war with children

Talking to children about war, if done correctly, can help reduce their fear and anxiety. Children need to hear the truth, but we need to present it in a way that is appropriate for their age and understanding. This conversation can help them understand the world around them better and feel more secure.

Talking about war can create strong emotions in children. They may feel fear, worry, or even guilt. So, respect their feelings and encourage them to express their feelings. This makes the child feel understood and supported.

Notes The key to talking about war with children
The best time to talk about war with children
Talking about war should not wait for a crisis. You should be ready to answer them appropriately whenever the child has questions in this regard. Of course, when news or special events about war are published, these times can be the best opportunity to start a conversation.
How much does a child of different ages understand war?
War and conflicts can have a profound effect on children, even if these conflicts are thousands of kilometers away from where they live. Children, especially at a young age, desperately need to perceive the world as a safe and predictable place. War can destroy this sense of security and cause them to worry.
Preschool children: If they are not directly affected by war, they may show few reactions. But if they see televised images of war or destroyed cities, they may experience fear and anxiety. If you or your child has fear of war, know that the feeling of fear is a normal and natural feeling of the body against dangers. But in order to be able to speak effectively, the first step is to improve your war with stress. And take measures to maintaining mental health during wartime. Why do children see our behavior and feelings as intelligent apart from our words and understand the contradiction between words, behavior and feelings.
Primary school children: they may pay more attention to war events and have many questions. At this age, children are reacting to their parents' emotions, so it is important to control your emotions and reassure them that they are safe.
The right age to start this conversation about war for children
At any age, children can have questions about war, but these questions will vary depending on their age. For children under 6 years of age, it is necessary to explain the concept of war in a simple way, with an emphasis on security issues and maintaining peace. For older children, more details can be provided, but care should still be taken that the information is understandable and appropriate.
Effective ways to talk to children about war
One of the most important points in talking to children about war is to use simple and understandable language. Instead of using complicated and scary words, it is better to explain to children that war is an unfortunate event that puts people at risk, but the purpose of this conversation is to make them feel safe.
Children understand simple language more. Avoid words that may be scary or confusing to them. For example, instead of talking about "violence", you can use the words "tragedy" or "upsetting events".
Talk With children about war
5 of the effects of war on children
War can have deep and lasting effects on children's minds, emotions and behavior. Understanding the impact of war on children's psyche is essential for parents, educators and caregivers so that they can be with the child in an informed and supportive way. Talking about war with children and creating a safe space for dialogue can reduce the severity of these injuries and help maintain the mental health of children in war. In the following, we mention 5 of the most important effects of war on children:
1. Constant anxiety and fear
One of the most common effects of war on children is creating a sense of insecurity, fear and constant anxiety. The consequences of war can cause ptsd disorder, in such a case, it is better for a person suffering from panic attacks and stress to refer to a psychotherapist.
We at Jan Ziba Post-traumatic stress treatment services ptsd We do that you can book your appointment in person in Tehran. But if you don't have the conditions to attend, you can make an appointment online or by phone with psychological therapists.
Children may constantly worry about losing their parents, bombings, or attacks; Even if they don't live in a war zone and only see or hear news about it. Talking to children about war in an honest and calm way can help reduce these worries and reassure them that they are safe.
2. Sleep disorders and nightmares
Children affected by the events of war often suffer from insomnia, nocturnal enuresis or frequent nightmares. These symptoms indicate psychological damage. In such a situation, talking to the child about the war and listening to his feelings without judgment is one of the best ways to help him.
3. Decreased concentration and academic decline
War can disrupt children's learning, concentration and academic performance. A busy and anxious mind does not allow concentration and learning. The way you talk to your child about war should be in a way that reinforces his sense of security and control so that his mind can return to normal.
4. Aggression or withdrawal
Some children show aggressive behavior in response to stress, while others become withdrawn and quiet. These reactions are signs of psychological stress. Talking to children about war should be non-judgmental and accepting of their feelings so that these pressures can be released. If such behaviors continue, it is better to talk to a psychologist or counselling, but at Jan Zeiba Specialized Psychology Clinic online stress and anxiety treatment services and in person in Tehran, you can refer to a psychotherapist as soon as possible Do it.
5. Identity crisis and mistrust
Children may have doubts about the future, others and even themselves. If these feelings are not taken seriously, they can be the foundation of psychological problems in the future. By talking to a child about war and active listening, you can help him to trust the world and those around him again.
Methods to reduce the psychological effects of war on children
Due to their limited understanding and greater vulnerability, children are more stressed and anxious than adults in war situations. They can prevent these injuries to a great extent. Paying attention to the mental health of children in war not only improves their mental state, but also helps them grow healthier and have a more stable future. In the following, we mention some important strategies to reduce the psychological effects of war on children, which can be very effective if implemented at home or in the educational environment.
1. Creating a sense of security
The first and most important need of a child in times of crisis is a sense of security. Even if war is not physically imminent, news and an uneasy atmosphere can create a sense of insecurity. The way you talk to your child about war should be reassuring and emphasize that he is safe. This feeling helps a lot to reduce anxiety.
2. Honest and Age-Appropriate Conversation
Talking about war with children should not be accompanied by secrecy or too much information. Children need to know what is happening, but in simple and understandable language. Talking to children about the war if it is accompanied by empathy and honesty, will make the child trust the parents more.
3. Maintaining a daily routine
Having a specific and regular schedule for sleeping, eating and playing helps the child feel more in control in crisis situations. This issue indirectly strengthens the mental health of children in war and lowers the level of anxiety.
4. Providing space for expressing feelings
Children may not be able to express their feelings accurately, but they can vent them through play, drawing, or story telling. Talking to the child about the war indirectly and in the form of activities he likes can be a good way to process good emotions.
5. Limiting access to news
Repeatedly watching violent scenes on TV or in cyberspace increases fear in children. By limiting these sources and simply explaining what happened, the effect of war on children's psyche can be reduced. Among the techniques that are recommended in Maintaining mental health during wartime for adults It is restricting seeing the news. Experienced experts of Jan Zaiba Psychology Clinic with expertise in the field of children and adolescents can play an effective role in reducing the psychological effects of war on children. Using scientific methods, individual counseling sessions, play therapy and training for parents, these experts will help you learn how to talk to your child about war properly and protect the mental health of children in war by creating a safe and supportive environment. With the support of the Jan Ziba team, talking about the war with children will no longer be worrying, and you can support your child more calmly during this sensitive period.
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