The secret of choice

**What is the release schema? Knowing its roots and effects on people's lives** Abandonment schema is one of the deep mental patterns that is formed in the core of people's beliefs. Those who struggle with this schema are always faced with a deep fear of being alone and being abandoned, and experience conflicting emotions such as intense love and sudden anger. Such people usually get into relationships that are unhealthy from the start because they are afraid of letting go of the wrong people. This concept was first proposed by Jeffrey Young, a prominent theorist in the field of psychology. People caught in this pattern usually have a strong emotional dependence on the people around them, and this dependence makes them unstable in their relationships. Because they fear rejection, they may show unstable emotions, irrational anger, or even extreme sensitivities. If this schema is not identified and treated in time, it can affect all aspects of a person's life, including his marital, social and professional relationships. Fortunately, schema therapy is an effective way to deal with this issue and can help a person regain a sense of inner security and the ability to express emotions.

**What is schema?** From the point of view of Jeffrey Young, the founder of the schema therapy approach, schemas are deep mental patterns that are formed from childhood. These patterns are a combination of negative and ineffective thoughts, feelings, memories and beliefs that arise as a result of not meeting the basic psychological needs of a person. Schemas act as lenses through which a person sees the world, himself, and others. These unconscious patterns are usually repeated in adulthood, directing our behavior and preventing growth, happiness, and the formation of healthy relationships. In simpler language: Schemas are unwritten programs in our minds that have been formed since childhood and if not modified, can affect us for the rest of our lives. **What is the release schema?** Abandonment schema is one of the deep psychological traps that keeps a person in constant fear of being alone. Someone with this schema subconsciously believes that sooner or later they will be abandoned by those close to them—either through rejection, death, or even neglect. The roots of this mental pattern usually go back to bitter childhood experiences: sudden separation from parents, emotional neglect, death of a loved one, or growing up in an unstable environment. Even in adulthood, these people are constantly worried about losing the relationship, and this worry leads them to behaviors that cause instability in the relationship. Extreme dependence, control, jealousy or even anger and extreme withdrawal are only part of their reactions. In one sentence: someone who is stuck in the abandonment schema is so afraid of leaving that he unknowingly destroys the relationship. The treatment of abandonment schema is possible through recognition, acceptance, mind and behavior reconstruction and preferably with the help of schema therapy. **Specific signs of abandonment schema** People who are involved in the abandonment schema, usually enter emotional relationships with a deep fear of being alone; But this fear causes them to behave in a way that destroys the relationship. **common symptoms of abandonment schema** - ### **quick and emotional addiction** At the very beginning of acquaintance, these people act very emotionally; They fall in love, become dependent and sometimes propose marriage in the first week. The intensity of their feelings is sometimes so high that it confuses the other party or even runs away. - ### **Contradiction of behavior** They may seem dependent and needy on the surface, but as soon as they see a sign of distance or coldness, they engage in compensatory behaviors. For example, they deliberately engage in behaviors that irritate the other person, only to distance themselves first and play the role of "let go". - ### **relational instability** The relationships of these people usually do not last long. They get into a relationship very quickly but end it just as quickly; Because they are constantly thinking that "he is going to leave me". - ### **repetitive cycle** After the end of the relationship, they experience extreme feelings of emptiness and loneliness. This feeling leads them to a new relationship to fill their emotional void and this cycle repeats itself. In fact, these people are so afraid of abandonment that they unintentionally cause abandonment through their behavior. By recognizing these patterns and getting help from schema therapy, this chain can be broken and a healthier path for emotional communication can be made. **Abandonment schema in emotional relationship** People who are trapped in the schema of abandonment, even if they are next to a faithful and committed partner, they still do not experience inner peace. These people unconsciously enter a cycle that reinforces the feeling of insecurity and fear of being alone. In the following, there are signs of abandonment schema in romantic relationships: ▪️ You are afraid to get close to your romantic partner, because you think you might get hurt or lose him. ▪️ You are constantly worried about the death or sudden departure of your spouse. ▪️ Your mind is constantly occupied with where your wife is now and what she is doing. ▪️ You have strong and emotional reactions to trivial issues and you interpret normal behaviors as a sign of infidelity. ▪️ You are controlling and jealous; You feel that your partner should be completely at your disposal. Strong dependence makes you focus all your energy on him and forget about yourself. ▪️ You can't bear to be away from him even for a short time. ▪️ You can never have complete confidence in his commitment and loyalty. ▪️ You get angry easily and accuse your partner of betrayal. ▪️ Sometimes to punish him, you withdraw yourself, get angry or behave coldly to somehow let him go, before he leaves you. If these things are familiar to you, it's time to take a more serious look at your emotional roots and take steps towards healing. **abandonment schema therapy** In order to get out of the chronic trap of abandonment schema, both mind and behavior need to be gradually rebuilt. With conscious practice and the support of a therapist, this institutionalized belief can be modified over time. The following measures are recommended for the management and treatment of abandonment schema: 1. ### **Reviewing catastrophic thoughts** Question the belief that "everyone will leave me sooner or later." Any thought that smacks of exaggeration or seems certain must be criticized. 2. ### **Inhibition of emotional reactions** When you are temporarily away from your loved ones, try to control your anxiety and don't consider it the end of the world. 3. ### **Redefining expectations** No one is always available and perfectly suited to our needs. Expecting perfect companionship is unrealistic and should be abandoned. 4. ### **accepting healthy boundaries** People have the right to have privacy and independent time for themselves. Healthy intimacy is possible without suffocation. 5. ### **Monitoring and correcting unhealthy behaviors** If you have strong reactions such as anger, threats, emotional blackmail or control, consciously try to tone them down. 6. ### **saying no to extreme compromise** If you think you have to ignore yourself in order not to quit, gradually distance yourself from this self-deception. 7. ### **Smart choice of emotional partner** Unstable or uncommitted people deepen your trap. Look for someone who will bring stability, honesty and growth to the relationship. 8. ### **leaving harmful patterns** Jealousy, clinginess and control not only destroy the relationship, but also make you tired and worn out. 9. ### **friendship with loneliness** Learn that temporary loneliness is not the enemy. Turn non-relationship times into opportunities to get to know yourself. 10. ### **healing the past** Write down old experiences of abandonment, especially in your childhood. Review those feelings, face them, and allow them to heal. Abandonment schema therapy means building a sense of security within yourself, so that you no longer need to forget yourself to prove you are lovable. **last word** If you feel sad, anxious, or depressed because of the abandonment experience, these feelings are completely understandable and normal. But remember that wallowing in a sense of failure or despair will only make your mental load heavier, not lighter. Don't let these negative beliefs take away from you the path of growth, love, healthy relationships and happy life. Abandonment is not the end of the road; It's just a sign that it's time to restore. Be sure to seek the help of an expert counselor or psychologist on the way to healing and rebuilding your inner self. There are solutions; Just take a step and bring hope back to your heart.

#### Working hours

#### Contact: 021-77431649

#### Latest content