From fear of betrayal to childhood wounds: all

A Look at the Mistrust Schema: When We Can't Trust Have you ever found it difficult to trust even the closest people in your life? Those who have a **mistrust schema** and a sense of vulnerability, usually have gone through bitter experiences such as humiliation, abuse or injustice. The mind of these people automatically perceives others as dangerous or harmful, so they are constantly in a state of alertness and anxiety. To get out of this situation, you need to remind your brain that you are not the defenseless child of yesterday and that you can protect your boundaries. By reading this article, you will be introduced to the concept of distrust schema and learn how to recognize it, control it and remind yourself that you are stronger than before.

**What is schema?** Schema means deep thought and emotional patterns that form in our minds from childhood and stay with us until adulthood. These patterns determine how we see the world and people, how we react and even how we treat ourselves. When we are born, we are like a white canvas; We have no idea about the world, but every encounter, experience, or behavior we see from those around us—especially our parents—gradually imprints something inside us. These data settle in our mind and later act like a lens through which we interpret the world. Imagine a baby who only cries to express his needs; If he always responds with hugs and attention, he will learn that the world is a safe place and people are attentive to his needs. But if the responses are cold, unstable, or unimportant, the child will slowly learn that he should not rely on others or that it is "dangerous" to be needed. Therefore, if the child's attachment is formed correctly, his mind will create healthy patterns (adaptive schemas). But if the environment is not safe, his mind creates unhealthy patterns (incompatible schemata) that later manifest in his relationships, feelings and decisions. > **Simply put:** Schemas are like programs that are installed into our psychic system as children and affect our lives for years without us realizing it. **What is the mistrust schema?** The scheme of mistrust is not of caution, but of wounds; A wound that is rooted in the past and now casts a shadow on a person's relationships in the body of constant suspicion. A person who is caught in the trap of this schema, even in the face of the closest friends, always looks for a sign of betrayal; As if it doesn't give any bond, however close, a chance to be safe. The result of this situation is human relationships that are often superficial, cold and masked; Not because of pretense, but because there is no trust to reveal the true self. Any sign of unkindness is quickly magnified in the person's mind and against it, they either take refuge in anger or isolation. In this way, a cycle is formed of fear, withdrawal, experiencing rejection and reaffirming the belief that: "no one should be trusted." This painful repetition deprives a person's life of the opportunity for intimacy and healthy bonds and imprisons him in a castle of mistrust. **Symptoms of Distrust Schema** If the schema of mistrust is rooted in a person's mind, its signs will be clearly defined through his behaviors and reactions. These people do not feel comfortable with the world and people, even if there is no particular reason to worry. **Common symptoms:** 1. **Living in a state of constant alert:** Their minds are always looking for signs of danger; Suspicion is normal for them, even in the most peaceful situations. 2. **Rapid reactions to minor events:** The behavior of others, even if it is unintentional and harmless, takes the color of insult or rejection. 3. Magnifying mistakes: they experience simple events as serious crises; They make a painful scenario out of a simple word or behavior. 4. **Incompatibility with powerful people:** Relationships with people in positions of power (parents, managers) are usually accompanied by tension and mistrust. 5. **Fear of emotional closeness:** When there is no trust, intimacy becomes worrisome; As if being close is equal to being hurt. 6. **Defensive appearance and behavior:** Sometimes their behavior is full of defensiveness and insisting on "being right"; An unconscious way to deal with feelings of insecurity. If you or someone you know has these symptoms, know that with awareness, practice, and professional help, you can step through the mistrust schema. **Evolutionary roots of distrust schema** If you were abused, humiliated, ridiculed, or abused as a child, you were exposed to the formation of a mistrust schema. The evolutionary roots of this scheme are: - Being beaten or physically abused by a family member. - Sexual abuse or being forced into unwanted sexual stimulation by a family member. - Constant humiliation and insult from family members. - Unreliability of family members (revealing secrets, exploiting weaknesses, lying, not keeping promises). - A family member's apparent enjoyment of your suffering. - Being forced to do something unwanted through threats and punishment. - Constant advice from parents to "trust no one but family members". - There is constant conflict and tension between family members (an environment like a battlefield). - Parents' inappropriate or annoying use of methods of expressing physical intimacy. - Receiving nicknames that caused you discomfort and excitement. *(Based on: Geoffrey Young, Jeanette Klosko and Marjorie Wishar, Schema Therapy, translated by Dr. Hassan Hamidpour and Dr. Zahra Indoz, Volume One, 16th Edition, Arjmand Publications)* **Scheme of mistrust in the relationship** People who struggle with the mistrust schema often lack the ability to establish deep and secure connection. Their minds are full of the possibility of harm; As if trusting is equal to being caught in the trap of suffering and betrayal. They do not consider anyone worthy of intruding into their privacy, as they consider any closeness a prelude to wounding. In the minds of these people, obsessive and suspicious thoughts darken the simple behavior of the people around them. For this reason, their emotional relationships suffer from endless turmoil and no relationship finds the necessary stability and security. **Mistrust Schema Coping Styles** The pattern of mistrust and abuse, like an old wound, resurfaces with every emotional contact. In order to get rid of the pain of this wound, man reacts in three ways; Three psychological masks that only repeat the cycle of harm instead of healing: 1. Surrender (silent acceptance of suffering): Unwillingly, the person gives in to re-creating the same painful relationships of the past. It is as if he believes in his subconscious that being a victim is his inevitable fate. When humiliated, he says in his heart: "I knew it would happen again." This submission is not due to weakness, but due to an unhealed wound that leads him to repeat himself. 2. **Avoidance (escape the darkness alone):** Others, instead of giving in, choose the escape route. They refuse to enter into any relationship; Not out of need, but out of fear. They prefer to accept loneliness so as not to taste the bitter taste of deception and humiliation again. Relationships are a minefield for them, and withdrawal is a safer way to live. 3. **Extreme compensation (attack, pre-injury):** Another group takes a completely opposite role. Once victims, they now try to prevent possible harm by preemptively attacking. In this style, a person with extreme pessimism explores the weak points of others and strikes before they are hurt. His desire for power is a mask to hide a deep fear; Fear of being defenseless again. **Distrust Schema Treatment** 1. Releasing buried anger: In the treatment process, the first step is to release buried anger; Not in the form of destruction, but in the form of mental imagery. One learns to vent that pent-up anger not on others, but in a safe and controlled solitude; Anger from insults he never had the chance to express. 2. Ending self-blame: One of the main nodes of the mistrust schema is blaming oneself for the misbehavior of others. Therapy teaches a person that being a victim of injustice is not a sign of weakness. He regains his worth and experiences relationships with healthy and reliable people. 3. **Peace with closeness, reconciliation with intimacy:** It is not easy to get rid of the schema of mistrust, but if a person can trust people again, his deep human need to "love and be loved" will be fulfilled. A heart that has been hidden behind the wall of mistrust for years, slowly finds the courage to touch the warmth of the relationship. 4. **Recognizing mind games and hidden roles:** People caught in this schema are often afraid of revealing their personal secrets. Some are ringing in the ears as a sign of betrayal or humiliation (caring), others wear the mask of "savior" and seemingly selflessly support others, but they are afraid of repeating the damage (extreme compensation). Some also succumb to the cycle of harm. 5. **The ultimate goal of treatment: rebuilding trust:** Treatment teaches the patient that the world is not full of betrayal and deception. There are those who deserve to be trusted despite their faults and shortcomings. Therapy tries to acquaint the individual's mind with the fact that trust is a continuum of experiences, not a definite and absolute verdict. **concluding remarks** The path to cure the schema of mistrust, although difficult and long, is completely doable and achievable. Passing this challenge will not only change your life, but also bring you true freedom and peace. Although in many schemas it is possible to walk with general guidance, but in the case of mistrust, the presence of an expert and experienced therapist is necessary; Because the roots of this schema usually go back to deep childhood traumas, including rape, and need professional support. Pirouzi Clinic is ready to accompany you on this difficult but fruitful path with a dedicated and expert team and free you from the chain of mistrust, so that you can once again trust the world around you with an open heart and a calm mind.

#### Working hours

#### Contact: 021-77431649

#### Latest content