Emotional deprivation schema: When you don't get enough love

**Emotional deprivation schema: an invisible wound from childhood** Among the multitude of psychological concepts, the scheme of emotional deprivation is one of those topics that silently erodes the human psyche like an invisible wound. The scheme of emotional deprivation is a reflection of the emotional void that a person carries with him from the beginning of his life; A deep-seated feeling of being neglected, helpless, and lacking in love and emotional support. Those who are caught in this unconscious mental pattern, as if they are locked in a transparent but strong fence. They always live with the belief that others are unable or unwilling to meet their emotional needs. The result of this inner experience is the formation of emotions such as silent anger, hidden suffering and deep loneliness; A feeling that makes their relationships fragile and takes them away from the circle of intimacy. Knowing the schema of emotional deprivation requires a deep and professional look. The healing process is never achieved with superficial and temporary solutions, but requires careful exploration, conscious companionship, and a continuous effort to repair the neglected emotional roots of the past.

**What is a schema and what is its place in psychology?** Before we discuss the concept of emotional deprivation schema, it is necessary to first familiarize ourselves with the general concept of schema. Schemas are one of the most important concepts in the field of psychology that are formed in childhood and show their effects in adulthood. To better understand the concept of the schema, it can be described as follows: Every baby who steps into the world is like a white page that has no role written on it, but the interaction with the environment, family, parents and others, over time, leaves roles on this white page that will remain for years. Schemas are actually frameworks and cognitive patterns that allow us to interpret the surrounding information and give meaning to our world based on them. Jean Piaget, a prominent psychologist, considers schemas to be mental models without which, a person is deprived of mental image and the ability to exploit his experiences and is unable to plan for the future. These mental structures are formed in childhood and are revealed in adulthood based on the experiences and reactions received. We conduct our behaviors, relationships and decisions based on these mental patterns, and in simple words, we know the world around us through these recurring and stable structures. Sometimes these schemas are positive and compatible and help us in life, and sometimes they are incompatible and destructive, which can cause psychological disorders and problems. **What is the schema of emotional deprivation and how is it formed?** The schema of emotional deprivation is formed when the child does not receive the necessary affection and support from his mother or primary caregivers. The child's emotional needs such as being hugged, understood and supported are not satisfied. As a result, in adulthood, this child continues to look for affection and seeks to compensate for this lack in his emotional relationships, while he believes inside himself that he is not a lovable person. People who have this belief usually behave in four ways in their romantic relationships: - **Singles:** These people feel lonely and emotionally hungry due to repeated failures in establishing a sincere relationship and finally surrender to the schema. - **Married:** They often marry someone similar to their cold and unfeeling parents; Someone who still does not give them the necessary love and attention. This issue again reinforces the feeling of loneliness and unacceptability in them and causes them to surrender to the schema. - **Marital infidelity:** When the relationship is in trouble, these people quickly look for another person or are in two relationships at the same time to escape from loneliness, unaware that this behavior may destroy all their relationships. - **People engaged in work and activity:** Some people prefer to leave the emotional relationship and amuse themselves with work or even drug use to ignore the pain of emotional deprivation and avoid facing the problem. **Symptoms of Emotional Deprivation Schema** Emotional deprivation schema is usually associated with a set of symptoms and emotions that can help identify this maladaptive pattern in people. These signs include: - Feeling the lack of emotional support in life - An unrealistic expectation to fully satisfy emotional needs in relationships - The feeling of not having a guide or a consultant who can accompany you in difficulties - Deep and frequent experience of loneliness - Believing that you are unlovable and worthless - Feeling of emptiness and emotional void in life - Limited sharing of feelings with others - A sense of helplessness and lack of real support - Feeling dissatisfied with emotional needs not being met - Anger and aggressive behavior - Coldness and distancing in interaction with others - Decreased self-esteem and damage to self-worth Recognizing these symptoms can be an important step in diagnosing and understanding the schema of emotional deprivation and paves the way for treatment. **A few characteristics of women who have disproportionate love due to the schema of emotional deprivation:** Behind smiles and infinite kindness, sometimes a tired and wounded soul is hidden; Women whose deep wound of long years of unlove leads them to extreme forgiveness. ▪️ They often came from families where the warmth of love had no place. Their tender emotional needs were neglected and their hearts remained empty, unnoticed. ▪️ The emptiness that sat on their lives due to being ignored, later manifested itself in the unceasing thirst to love others. It is as if they are making up for that long-standing defect by pouring love relentlessly; Especially towards men who show themselves to be needy and dependent. ▪️ In fear of being abandoned, they get used to any kind of compromise and forgiveness. They think that by being more, they will last; No matter how much time, energy and even money they spend, they don't think it's enough. ▪️ they carry the burden of the relationship without being asked; They blame themselves, as if they don't deserve happiness unless someone gives it to them. ▪️ And maybe, without being aware, behind the mask of care and sacrifice, they seek to keep relationships in their fist; Because one day they have tasted insecurity and now, for survival, they have to control everything. **The root of the schema of emotional deprivation** In the depths of the soul, sometimes a belief is formed that, like an endless whisper, makes a person believe that the voice of his emotional needs will never be heard. This painful mental pattern, which is rooted in the first years of life, has a hidden name: "emotional deprivation". When a child in the dawn of his life, in search of shelter, sympathy or caress, faces an empty and unresponsive look from the elders, the seed of emotional deprivation schema is planted in his life. Not necessarily because of lack of love, but sometimes because of the parent's incapacity or conflict with his own mental wounds. Parents, even with good intentions, may ignore or misunderstand the child's needs and offer ineffective responses. On the other hand, in some cases, there is care, but the child, due to specific psychological or environmental conditions, has a greater thirst for attention and support; A thirst that, if left unanswered, will turn into a deep gap in his existence. A gap that manifests itself in adulthood with feelings of helplessness, rejection, or worthlessness. Emotional deprivation is not just a forgotten memory from childhood, but an active wound in a person's life that changes the path of relationships and emotions without being seen. **Emotional Deprivation Schema Treatment Steps** ### **First step: reviewing childhood memories** First, you need to go to a quiet place and remember your childhood memories carefully. Especially those moments when you felt your emotional needs were neglected. Conjure the faces of your parents and other family members separately in your mind and look at them with all the emotions you experienced at that time. ### **Second step: Getting to know the current feelings** Now pay attention to your feelings in current relationships. If you feel alone, deprived, or worthless, let these feelings show without judgment. Not suppressing emotions and fully accepting them is a fundamental step in treatment. If you experience childhood-like feelings, try to calm yourself down with mental imagery. ### **The third step: Reviewing behavior patterns in past relationships** Make a list of your most important relationships, including love, family, and friendships, and review them. See what problems there were in each relationship; Has the other party been unable or unwilling to meet your needs? Also see if you have alienated others with your behavior. Knowing these patterns will help you better understand the path of change. ### **Step 4: Avoid cold but attractive people** It often happens that we are attracted to people who do not look hot but have a special attraction for us. These people often confuse us more than anyone else. If you meet someone whose level of attraction is very high for you, rate this level from 0 to 10 before continuing the relationship. If a number was close to 999 or 101010, it is better to hesitate to enter into that relationship; Because this tension may be caused by the repetition of the same old schemas. **last word** In this article from the specialized psychology clinic of Pirouzi, we investigated the schema of emotional deprivation; What is the schema of emotional deprivation, how does it appear, what are its symptoms and what effect does it have on emotional and interpersonal relationships. We also mentioned its treatment solutions to be a guide for people on the path to recovery and recovery of mental health. It should be noted that Pirouzi Clinic specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of incompatible schemas, including the schema of emotional deprivation, and with the use of experienced psychologists and modern scientific methods, it is by your side so that you can take effective steps to improve the quality of your emotional and mental life. You can contact this clinic to receive advice and start the treatment process and start a new path towards peace and inner satisfaction.

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